How To Get Back To Real Life After A Break-Up

The word “break up” is trending in the modern world. This world has brought with it the freedom [the illusionary freedom to have more romantic relationships] and the pain that comes with that freedom.

Get Back To Real Life After A Break-Up
Get Back To Real Life After A Break-Up

I received a message from someone who said he was depressed after breaking up in a romantic relationship and couldn’t do his job properly. This situation must be very painful, many people go through it. But have you ever looked at breaking up from the point of view of philosophy?

The Chinese philosophy of “Taoism” has some practical advice and wisdom for dealing with the painful situation of separation. Allowing us to take a realistic look at separation beyond emotions and see how to alleviate the pain. By doing this we can return to a normal life.

Holding On

The most important and fundamental concept in Taoism is “Letting Go”. Zhuangzi tells a story in his book that once the king asked a tax officer named Pei-king-she to collect taxes from the people to complete a project that required money from the public’s pockets. Extraction was particularly difficult. When the tax officer collected the tax on time like FBR and the project was completed. The King asked the officer “Master pay! What art have you discovered by which you have been able to collect taxes (to empty the public’s pockets) at the appointed time?”

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Master Pay replied, “I have not discovered any such art. Long live the King! You may be surprised to know how I collected the tax money very easily by putting in more effort and effort. Adapting to the situation and assessing the situation, and making decisions accordingly”.
Master Pay completed his work without getting confused, without exerting too much force, and adapting to the current situation, the philosophy of Taoism teaches how you change your personality, decisions, and ideas with the situation.

You must also be thinking, what is the relationship between romantic love and tax??

There is a relationship. Romantic love is antithetical to the philosophy of Taoism. We keep the one we love close to us. If he goes away we try to bring him back to life instead of accepting the circumstances. By doing so, we contrast the system of the outer world and our inner world, in natural life. Which is soft and flexible while death is hard and dry. Separation is done, that person has become the past and you are still remembering him. What is in the past is dead.

Denying the present situation, embracing the past, clinging to it and not accepting it, and trying to achieve it with every effort prevents you from seeing and achieving more opportunities in life. To see new opportunities. So it is important to “let go” of old ones.

Looking At The Other Side of The Story

Back To Real Life After A Break-Up
Back To Real Life After A Break-Up

Zhuangzi describes an incident in his book where a tree in the forest was crooked, with many thick branches. The woodcutter refused to cut it, saying that it was worthless. Jongza thinks that it was better for the tree to be useless in the eyes of the woodcutter. If it had been useful, it would have been in the eyes of the axe.

Now you will think that what is the relationship between romantic love and tree? There is a relationship. Someone left you, (or for some reason they both separated by mutual consent but you have not forgotten) think whether it would be better for you to leave them. Whether that person is narcissistic/toxic. Do you know that with his departure you will get a new turn in your life?

Like that tree was useless in the eyes of the woodcutter or could not be used to make something better. This tree will have many other benefits or functions in the forest. It is not necessary if you are not suitable for one person. Then you will not be suitable for someone else. The other sides of the events that happen to us are often hidden from our eyes. Then in time when things come to light. We are often found thankful that ‘what happened.

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Accepting Impermanence

In romantic relationships, we become very attached to each other. And when that person is no longer in our life. Then we cannot eliminate this instinct overnight, according to computer scientist Jaren Lanier, “You are not a gadget”. You cannot fix your emotions by going to a psychologist.

Our intimacy in romantic relationships runs deep and suppressing or running away from such feelings only hurts us. What should be done in such a case??
Lao Tzu, the founder of Taoism, says that mastery over worldly matters is achieved when you allow things to work out naturally, you cannot achieve mastery by going against nature. This means that you will swim in the direction of the river for a while, but after a while, you will get tired and lose it, but going with the flow of the river saves energy and gets you somewhere. You can never fight nature.

Man Suffering From Break-Up Pain

No book in the world, no wisdom, and no treatment can affect a person suffering from the pain of separation. In such a case, if it has an effect, then an ointment made by nature “time”, everything in nature is temporary and of course your emotions too. Rushing, trying to force forgetting, will only hurt more. Grieve this person’s passing, if you are sad accept your feelings and be sad, try to heal your wounds with nature’s salve “time”. Just as the sky clears after rain, your mind will also clear from this torturous fog.

Going through the pain will make you stronger mentally. Pain often highlights the craziness within us. But in an attempt to force the pain away, dissociators exacerbate the pain in the cycle of looking and feeling normal. Temporality is both our friend and enemy, if we go against it and do not accept things/people/emotions with changing circumstances, it becomes our enemy, and if we accept it, our sufferings will be less. They happen because when our romantic relationship ends, we accept the uncertain nature of humans and the world.

Letting Go

Real Life After A Break-Up
Real Life After A Break-Up

Letting go of emotions and intuition becomes a very difficult process if we do not accept that nature’s preoccupation is to “change” situations. It is always possible for the feelings of the person living with us to whom we are attached to change, in such a case if you do not accept this changeable principle of nature, then nothing of nature goes, the loss is yours.

According to Taoism, no change is fundamentally right or wrong, nature is just doing its thing, but your mind becomes rigid towards these changes and starts making up stories, “No matter what happens, I will not forget/get it. Can/can” “or I have to forget/get it anyway”, this is a disturbance in your mind and when this disturbance is faced with reality, the trouble will be yours and no one else’s.

People/emotions/feelings come and go, we are human beings and attachment to other human beings is built into our biology, but we also have logic that allows us to understand nature and its laws through this kind of philosophy. Gives Logic and the logical mind encourages you to accept and heal your emotional wounds over time rather than repressing or misrepresenting them.

Controlling others or not letting them go away from us forces them to go further away from us, and when we free our close relationships, they come closer to us under the influence of freedom, perhaps even against freedom. The assumption is paradoxical.

Nida Ishaque

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