To disprove the “Love is from the Heart, not from the Mind,” Anthropologist Helen Fisher spent years studying the human brain with MRIs and various types of brain scans. Helen Fisher has devoted half her life to understanding the neurology of the brain in love.
Love and attraction are completely related to the brain and the chemicals released in it. In his book “Why We Love”, he has divided the love between humans into three types/stages. Helen’s relationship model (which I’m going to briefly explain) is very important. Must-read because we all fall in love at some point in our lives, and until now we’ve seen love. We have resorted to romantic poetry, philosophy, Bollywood, Hollywood movies, and songs to understand. But science has a lot to tell us about the texture and reality of love.
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Of course, love and attraction can be different experiences for all people. Each person describes and feels love in different words and ways, some find love passionate and others dull and sensitive, but science is quite unscientific. If it is biased then we often have to resort to it to understand the issues.
Lust: The First Type of Love
lust, this feeling is in our reptilian brain, the part of the brain that handles basic things like breathing, heart rate, body temperature, etc. Lust, i.e. seeing the visible features of any opposite sex, being attracted to him, and simply performing a sexual activity, is under the control of this part of the brain. The natural response to reproduction is highlighted in this part of the brain. It is very instantaneous and fades quickly. the person has no desire to get to know their partner. This brain is called the primitive brain.
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Passion: Second Type of Love
Passion is an emotional connection, this connection is highlighted in the part of the mind called the mammalian brain. People caught in this passionate love feel great thinking about each other, lost in each other’s thoughts. This is the kind of love that movies and songs are made of, in which the poet says ‘Tujhe Suchata Haun Mein’ (I think of you all the time). In the evening and in the morning, you want more than that, people who are lost in this feeling create a utopian future in their minds. Everything seems very new and good as if spring has come into life. This is the love under the influence of which people make unfulfilled promises. The mammalian brain under the influence of passion has the power to overpower logic and the thinking brain.
Passion does not grow out of lust. There is an element of lust in it, but even when it ends, passion does not diminish. It takes six to twelve months for the passion to wear off. Then comes the time when men and women regret their decisions, expressing boredom with what they thought were flawless ‘angels’ after a few months. It is that he is a figure of mistakes ‘man’. And this is where the real test of harmony and compatibility begins. If individuals share their new and unconventional experiences and ideas with each other. Understand each other and explore new things, then this passion does not end, but leads us to the third type of love, commitment, and if not. When the passion ends, there are often quarrels, regrets and Sameness remains.
Commitment: The Third Type of Love
Few people reach this stage but this love is very powerful and practical. If people who like each other in the profession stay together for a long time. It is because of their compatibility (compatibility), but often when some uncertain situation (uncertain situation) or an accident happens in life that makes you But and has a profound impact on your partner’s life. People who are not in the persevering stage often develop bitterness, passion fades because they are not ready for the change, as long as everything is going well. Yes, it is fine, but as soon as life shows its colors, even passion cannot save the relationship. Here, of course, more depth and reality need to be examined and accepted.
What is the commitment? Consistency comes when both partners treat each other as human beings and accept each other’s strengths and weaknesses, celebrate success, and support each other when they fail. When we consider others as human beings and accept them with their flaws, we develop the ability to love them unconditionally.
Neurologists performed brain scans on long-married couples (who were happily married, of course), asking them to imagine that their partner had been in a car accident and then to imagine that their partner had been in a car accident. Instead of having their own car accident, thinking about their partner’s accident lit up the same part that happened when they thought about their own accident. And when asked to think of a third-person accident, the part that lit up for the partner and himself did not for anyone else in the brain.
A list is necessary for passion, but after the list ends, the passion remains because of compatibility. For persistence, we need passion, but with the passage of time, when we see our partnership with his faults and virtues. If you come to the stage of unconditional love by accepting it, then you can persist even in the absence of persistence, lust, and passion… The third type of love seems difficult. Achieving anything high and lasting requires courage, which is why not many people reach this stage.
People who know how to develop themselves as an individual, have new things to share, new experiences, and new ideas, then passion turns into compatibility over time, and values are the same. If so, the connection becomes stronger, and when one recognizes the fact that any human being in the world has both strengths and weaknesses and accepts them, commitment is born.
It is very important to work on your individuality to reach commitment, just lust and passion you cannot tolerate each other for long because neither can control the mind for long. Our brains love ‘newness’, and this novelty doesn’t just come from new sexual experiences or passionate love with every new person (perhaps a little too much), it’s also in our personality. , sharing new experiences and new ideas makes us more attractive and innovative.
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In our society, there is no practice of giving space to others or getting our own space where we can develop our minds and personality. And those who have space women or men also use space just for entertainment, entertainment is not wrong but by not working on your personal growth you are doing injustice to your personality and mind. The media tells what cream makes your skin attractive but it doesn’t teach what makes a personality attractive and new.
It is not wrong to take care of the outer persona (Nowadays entertainment swallows up your hours, leaving no time to take care of the outer persona) but no one teaches you to take care of your inner self i.e. your mind and decorate it with new and attractive ideas. . The pursuit of new experiences and new values is our brain’s food, and it gives us purpose to live, trying out new ideas makes us feel good.
According to me, the biggest obstacle to commitment is the ‘romantic philosophy’, the media and romantic literature promote this philosophy because it attacks the mammillary brain and the mammillary brain has the power to control our logic and thinking mind. This view is very selfish, it places unrealistic expectations on humans. In this theory you expect your partner to always make you happy and make you feel good. This theory does not teach you to accept a person with their complexities and flaws. This theory ignores science. The structure of the human brain and its response and evolutionary history.